On faith and love

Dear Lindsey,

I’m super excited about the news I’ve received from watching your Santa Baby video and interpreting the hidden messages contained therein about our forthcoming possible engagement! This has happened to me only once before, over a decade ago with someone else through similar unconventional secretive methods that were never confirmed to me let alone directly spoken of after the fact, but it’s nonetheless just as exhilarating that it’s happening again!

I’ve been so excited that I’ve taken the liberty to get more familiar with the doctrines and beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints so I can better get to know you.

After several days now, going deep into the Doctrines and Covenants, Book of Mormon and its history, I’m only a little bit shocked and dismayed by what I’ve learned. Given that you’ve been raised in the Church, this is what you know to be true so it ain’t no thang for you. I’m also used to learning inconvenient truths and shocking disclosures, so I got this!

So before you and I get to actually talking in person, or you even publicly acknowledging that I’ve been a part of your creative process, I’d love to share with you some things I’ve learned about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and what it means to me as a Baha’i. This should be fun for you to peruse while you are on tour.

  • Our Heavenly Father was once a person who became God through his own efforts, and we can become Gods ourselves with our own planets. We even have a Heavenly Mother, who gave birth to us spirit children, but this is not emphasized. Fascinating! I still don’t know who created the universe the Heavenly Father was born into, but it seems it’s not important.
  • The venerated prophet Joseph Smith has a history with the Church that is very troubling to know about, so it is better not to know about that stuff and look only at his accomplishments. Very well. Members have gotten into trouble for talking about it, so I’ll move on.
  • Temple endowment ceremonies have strikingly similar features to Freemasonry, complete with secret handshakes and unique rituals to get into heaven. I’m strangely fascinated with the underwear. A little off the wall humor there. Moving on.
  • The living prophets of the past sometimes made mistakes and created racist doctrines, but those have all been disavowed thanks to a more recent living prophet giving us an update from God.

It has been a fascinating few days of research, and I can tell you with 100% certainty (based on some good ol’ fashioned prayer and personal revelation) that I will never, ever become a member of the Church*, and so I want to ask you a serious question: Are you okay with not getting into the highest heaven, the Celestial Kingdom? Because you need a temple sealing to get there, and I’ll never set foot in that place, nor will I enter a temple. I might try on the underwear just to see if its comfy, though, but nothing more!

(*Should I be proven wrong about Baha’u’llah being the return of Christ as He claims to be, and should I die before Jesus Christ comes back, then whilst I’m hanging out in the Terrestrial or Telestial kingdoms please get someone to baptize me posthumously — pronto. Thanks!)

There is also the matter of how we raise our children. It’s going to invariably be a clash of my values against yours, especially when it comes to the age of accountability when I believe children are not yet developed enough to make such a decision. Also, in keeping with my own values given to me by my parents educating me, they did not withhold the truth about the Baha’i Faith or its history. Should our children ask a question I, likewise, would not withhold an honest and forthright answer (such as how the Book of Mormon came to be — not from the Golden Plates but from a seer stone in a hat, or that the Book of Abraham bears no relationship to the papyrus scroll from which it was ‘translated’ whatsoever, other than being a vehicle for its revelation, as well as that certain high profile members were excommunicated because they shared facts). So, we might need to work some things out. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

I really only care that you are a good person and I support everyone as a true friend regardless of their beliefs, and if this faith has made you who you are, then that is a good thing that I totally accept, and I would never judge or criticize you for having faith. Heck, I’d even attend Church services with you! (but only for two hours a week and not three)

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